


El'las'inshiral

by DreadWolf (drhanniballecter)



Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, M/M, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-18 23:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7334242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drhanniballecter/pseuds/DreadWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a Keeper's job to... join the inquisition? Yep. It is now. At least for Merrill.  Future chapters to explore how Merrill might react to meeting Solas, and hearing what he has to say about the fade, and old memories and the things the Dalish got wrong. And of course, the events of trespasser.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Su Tarasyl'an Te'las

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so so so sorry if my Elvhen is crappy. Please, if you see I've said something wrong, feel frEee to correct me. Just please be nice about it.

The explosion at the conclave...It was horrible. All those people- _dead_. She didn't personally know anyone there, or at least she didn't think she did, but when news of it reached her in the Kirkwall alienage, it brought quick tears to Merrill's eyes. Even in the Free Marches the breach in the sky was visible, but until word was brought to someone in the alienage by a relative that was near, it was not known what caused it. She wanted to help in any way she could but she knew she was still needed at the alienage. Kirkwall had a lot of rebuilding to do after the mage rebellion, and a lot of people were hurt or still missing from...what Anders did. She didn't like thinking about that. Someone she knew, and actually liked (maybe not a lot, but at least didn't actively hate) was capable of doing that? It felt like her fault in some way, that she didn't see it coming and couldn't stop it. Vengeance was, in part, to blame-although Anders insisted it was Justice- she knew this, but it didn't bring her any comfort. Still, she conceded, it could have been a lot worse. Knight-Commander Meredith was dead and because of Hawke's efforts against her, a lot more innocent lives that might have been lost were saved. She was so thankful to The Creators to have been a part of that, at least.

With her clan dead, Anders on the run, Varric just... gone, and Fenris and Hawke off killing slavers or something, Merrill was left with not much other choice than to stay in Kirkwall to help protect the remaining elves and mages, and assist them in rebuilding. Though not much of a choice, for a long time there was no other place she'd rather have been. She liked being where she was needed, and she liked making a difference. It took a while, but she eventually discovered that, in fact, being mugged was _not_ the city-elf way of greeting one another, and while she was focused on rebuilding the alienage, she was also determined to leave it a better place than she had found it. It hurt her to see Elves live so poorly. They may not be Dalish but she still considered them _her_ people, and they had welcomed her quickly enough when she started healing and caring for the wounded.In fact, Merrill had become somewhat of a leadership figure within the alienage, there were others helping, sure, but none others who were known to have walked with the Champion of Kirkwall, it made her a bit of a celebrity. Typical of Hawke to still be helping even when he wasn't physically there. Still, with the alienage on its way, and news of the conclave, Merrill felt a tug on her heartstrings. She should help, she should _try_ to help. But how? The answer came a few weeks later, with Hawke and Fenris coming through the alienage looking for her.

"Hawke!" She greeted her good friend by all but leaping at him to a hug. "Ohhhh, how have you been?!" She felt Hawke try pull away after a moment of the hug, so she in turn, hugged tighter.

"Haha! It's good to see you too, Merrill." Hawke said, patting her on the back, trying to end the embrace. She was _strong_ for someone so small.

"And you Fenris, of course. You two have been well?" She asked, finally letting go of Hawke. She and Fenris had never been very close, what with every other word that came out of his mouth being something offensive toward mages or her past use of blood magic. Still, he stood with them against the templars, and she admired his mission against slavers. Most importantly, Hawke loved him, and they made each other happy. She couldn't be bitter about that.

"Yes, very." Fenris replied.

"Fenris has been very good at tracking down slave owners." Hawke said with a hint of pride.

"And Hawke, at helping me cut the bastards down." Fenris added, looking at Hawke with a sly smile.

"Good!" Merrill exclaimed, perhaps a little too cheery for such a grim topic.

"Unfortunately, Merrill we can't stay long." Hawke said, sounding more serious. "I just came for a farewell, and to keep you in the loop."

"Hello and then immediately goodbye? You wouldn't be any fun at parties, Hawke. Where are you two going?"

" _I_ am not going anywhere," Fenris stated flatly. "Well, back to killing more assholes. It is Hawke who is leaving."

"To Skyhold." Hawke finished.

"What's a.. Skyhold?"

"A fortress in...somewhere, Ferelden." Hawke answered, admittedly he hadn't really looked very closely yet at the directions Varric gave him. "Varric's there and he says he needs me. Something about The Inquisition, and... I can hardly believe it...Corypheus."

"Cor- _What?"_ Merrill said, all humor leaving her face. Ohh, this was bad, but how could it even be? They killed him. She saw him die.

"There wasn't a lot of information. The letter Varric sent was cryptic and I suspect with good reason. But apparently he might be behind the explosion at the conclave, and the breach in the sky. Or at least have something to do with it." Hawke's voice was hard and angry. He was confused and worried and it carried through a steely tone in his voice.

"This...inquisition, it's.. what? I mean, they stopped the breach from growing, but I've not heard much else aside from that." Merrill felt her heart quicken at the mention of the conclave, if Hawke was going.. maybe...

"To be honest, I don't know much more than you. Apparently the Inquisitor was the one who stopped the spreading of that breach. And apparently he's the only one who has any chance of closing it for good. I can only assume their plan is to go after Corypheus, or Varric wouldn't have sent for me. Having faced him before... this is my fight too, I can't stand idly by while The Inquisition makes their move against him. If I can help in any way... that's where I belong. " Hawke answered adamantly.

Merrill nodded in solemn agreement. If anyone could understand a dutiful pull to help, it would be Hawke. His determination inspired her. "Could you... I mean, maybe, if you'd have me.. Well.. I- I think I'd rather like to.. Uhm" Merrill cleared her throat. "Ohh, can I go with you, Hawke??"

Both men before her raised their eyes in surprise, they came to Kirkwall because it was on the way, and as a courtesy to keep touch with old friends, neither had expected her to want to come along.

"Why? If you don't mind me asking." Hawke asked, not successfully hiding his surprise. "You're doing good work here, Merrill. Are you not happy here?"

"Noo, it's not that. It's just...Well, I don't know _what_ it is exactly I just...I know I have to. I can feel it in my bones. I know- I know I'm helping here and I love it but, the conclave and the breach and now Corypheus, it feels like it's all supposed to be happening doesn't it? I mean, no. Not happening, none of this should be happening, but that's what I mean. This thing that should not be happening, it's where I need to be to help it stop. It feels like fate. Like when you came to my clan's camp and took me away. I know now like I knew then. I just have to, _you_ just have to. It's where I'm meant to be. _Please,_ Hawke? "

"Eloquently said." Fenris commented dryly.

"What about the alienage? Don't the Elves here need you?" Hawke asked, he wasn't objecting, it'd be nice to have her company again, but he knew this meant a lot to her, and he wanted to make sure she knew what she was asking.

"I don't believe things would fall apart without me." Merrill replied "The Elves, they were all suffering the consequences of what happened. It hurt everyone but.. those who were already hurting.. it hit hardest. Still, we've already come so far, more and more people have started helping, too. They can keep going. And the alienage isn't going to heal overnight, this will take time- a lot of time. But this...breach. It feels so urgent, so much more.. _now_. I can come back here and keep helping once... once this is over." She looked up at the breach in the sky, worried.

"In that case, Merrill, I would be honored to have you travel with me again." Hawke said with a smile. While it was what he came for, it was nice to not have to say goodbye again, at least to her. There was still yet one to deal with. "Fenris... Last chance. Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Hawke asked. He wanted Fenris to come, naturally. He hated the idea of being apart from him, but it was, of course, up to Fenris.

"Of course I _want_ to, Hawke." Fenris said, letting his head down. "But you know I can't. My place is here, freeing as many slaves as I can. **That**  is _my_ destiny."

"You're right, I know." Hawke said with a sad smile. "I can't pull you away from that, you're doing what needs to be done."

"As are you." Fenris agreed. "We have both found what most needs our attention right now. As long as you come back..." Fenris trailed off.

"You couldn't keep me away if you tried." Hawke said fondly, gently caressing his cheek.

"Alive, Hawke. Alive." Fenris met his gaze with a deeply serious look.

"Naturally. If I died, you'd kick my ass." Hawke chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Damn right." Fenris said humorlessly.

"Before we go, Hawke," Merrill spoke, having tried her best to pretend to be looking at something else while the two were having their moment. "Can we..? I.. would just like to say goodbye first." Merrill said, she didn't want to just leave and have people wondering where she went, or worse, thinking she had abandoned them. She worried that's what she was doing anyway, despite her good intentions, at least she wanted to have a chance to explain.

"Of course Merrill, we'll depart at your leave." Hawke replied.            

\---------------------

An hour or two later, the Kirkwall sun was close to setting, and Merrill had gathered everyone she could find around the large oak tree in the center of the alienage; the Vhenadahl. After the climax of the mage rebellion in Kirkwall, the old tree had lost any priority for the upkeep it once had, and many even suggested it be cut down for firewood. Merrill objected, while the people's lives came first, destroying any bit of Elven history or tradition even something not Dalish.... it had to be absolutely necessary. At first her resistance was met with... well, more resistance, but she insisted they first try another way, and agreed with the people that it would come down if it absolutely needed to. In the end, she was happy that it hadn't been necessary, though it took a lot more work and perseverance to keep the alienage well supplied and the people warm and well cared for, but the effort was well worth it. She had slept little in the beginning days, spending the daylight hours helping the people, and tending to the Vhenadahl at night. Slowly, more and more of the Elves joined in her cause of the tree's care. It kept their hands busy, gave them something to do that felt familiar and important. It wasn't before too long that the tree didn't need her anymore. Though she still visited it often, the people were doing a fine enough job keeping it well, and it comforted her now to know they would keep it up in her absence.

Merrill stood atop one of the very large roots so that all that gathered may hear her. She addressed the people.

"Hartha'em!" She spoke, loudly hoping to be clear enough to everyone. It then immediately occurred to her that she actually had no idea what to say. Great. For a moment that seemed too long she stood there in silence, watching as everyone else watched her, she took a deep breath and just let words fall out.

"I- I'm leaving the alienage." She announced, her voice quivering slightly. Quiet gasps here and there left the mouths of a few scattered Elves in the crowd. They loved her.

"Yes." It sounded more like she was reassuring herself.

"It is time, ga'lin." She pointed up and past them to the breach. "That breach...It threatens us all. All that we've rebuilt. It can't. It must be closed, and whoever behind it- stopped." She stopped to take a shaky breath. Speeches weren't her thing, and neither were goodbyes. "The Inquisition in Ferelden stands alone against this evil, and they need all the help they can get. I will go with the Champion of Kirkwall to help in whatever way I can."

A voice from the crowd, "Some of us should come, too!"

" **No.** " Merrill said firmly "No, you must continue here. Kirkwall; this alienage...it's your home. You all must stay and help, there are still so many, even of your own, who are hurt. Help the Inquisition by helping yourselves, help repair the damage done by A-...by the war. You have all been through so much, continue to rebuild, go back to your lives and your families. That's what's important here; lethal."

All that had gathered (almost every able body in the alienage) was hushed and inspired by Merrill's words. "And...I..Thank you all. So much. Ma serannas...for giving me a place here." At that she stepped down, going aside to speak with Hawke again, who had just finished saying his last goodbye to Fenris.

"You didn't have to say that, you know. Thank them, I mean. They should be thanking you." Hawke said.

"No, they don't owe me a thing. They've.. all of them..they've given enough." Merrill replied, she could empathize with their suffering and she hated all the pain.

"I won't argue that." Hawke conceded.

Merrill sighed and tried to shake the thoughts, to focus on the new directed. "Skyhold. Where is that exactly?"

"Right. I had some time to look at the directions Varric gave me. The Frostbacks in Ferelden. There's a retainer waiting for us down at the docks, we'll have to cross the Waking Sea. If the water's calm for it we can make land on the Storm Coast, and travel through an area called Crestwood from there. It's a bit of a long trip, but I'm sure we'll be there before you know it."

"Okay." Merrill said, mapping the way in her head. She had seen maps of Thedas before though, having not ever left the Free Marches, it was difficult to imagine crossing an entire sea. "I'm ready... And Hawke?"

"Yes, Merrill?" He resonded, raising a brow.

"Thank you." She said with genuine gratitude.

"For what, exactly?" Hawke questioned.

"Without you coming here, and saying what you did, about Corypheus, about your duty. I don't think I could have left." Merrill said, slightly ashamed.

"You are now. That's what matters." Hawke replied, placing a friendly hand on Merrill's shoulder.

"I am, yes. I'm ready." She said again, more sure this time.

"To Skyhold." said Hawke strongly.


	2. Fra'Vhenas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merrill meets most of the inner circle and gets settled in at Skyhold. She and Solas almost get off on a nice foot... and then...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't think it would take this long to write this but there was a lot of dialogue I didn't plan. It's quite a bit longer that the first chapter, but it's a quicker read than it looks. Enjoy.

Upon walking through the tall gates of the Skyhold fortress, Merrill and Hawke were met quickly, and immediately ushered away to the battlements by Varric. “Move-move! If she sees you, I'm dead!" He said, quickly and in a hushed tone.

Once they were safely up to the battlements, and away from the crowd, Varric relaxed.

"Sorry about that. This is...complicated."

"Who are we hiding from exactly, Varric?" Hawke asked

Varric sighed

"That's one story I'd prefer not to tell. At least not right now. We've got more important things to worry about. Speaking of which, I asked the Inquisitor here to meet you, he should be up in a bit." He then looked to Merrill.

"Daisy! It's good to see you, kid." He held a hand out which Merrill ignored for a hug.

"Have you been with the inquisition all this time, Varric?" She asked him

"Well, kind of...not exactly. Like I said, it's complicated. Let's leave it at that, for now." Varric replied wearily. _“With”_ the inquisition didn't really accurately describe his relationship with Seeker Pentaghast at first, so much as _“prisoner”_ or “ _captive”_ did.

There was no more time for catching up between the three of them as the Inquisitor then came around and down a few shorts steps of the battlements to where they were. Merrill couldn't hold back a small gasp and a noticeable look of surprise. She had heard whispers around the alienage and from what Hawke had told her, and she hadn't expected the Herald of Andraste to be a Dalish elf. Oh, if only her clan were alive, they would have- actually she didn't know what they would have thought. They were resistant enough toward her, an elf being called the Herald to Andraste might not sit well with them. But Inquisitor. That was something. She had so many questions for him. But later. She knew now was not the time.

"Inquisitor," Varric introduced "Meet Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall."

"Though I don't use that title much anymore." Hawke added. In fact, Hawke was actually the only one who didn't still use the title in reference to himself. The denizens of Kirkwall still talked about their champion. In earnest there were several that had forgotten any name Hawke had that wasn't “The Champion of Kirkwall.” Similarly, most correspondence, be it letters of gratitude Hawke received for him and Fenris freeing slaves or even letters from his own former companions, almost all of them addressed him as champion. Although, for his companions it was done teasingly, after Hawke had grumpily insisted they simply call him by his actual name.

Varric addressed Hawke "I figured you might have some friendly advice about Corypheus. You and I did fight him, after all. And Daisy here."

The Inquisitor looked to Merrill "Daisy?"

"Right. Where are my manners?” Varric said,  “Inquisitor- Merrill. Merrill- Inquisitor. I hadn't expected her to come along, not that I'm not happy to see you, kid."

"Ahh, Merrill! Yes, I've heard a bit about you." The Herald said happily.

"About- _me?"_ Merrill was dumbfounded. how could the Inquisitor. _The Inquisitor_ have heard about _her?_

"Yes, I read Varric's tale of the Champion. You're quite the hero, too, aren't you? if not a little troublesome at times" The Inquisitor teased, as he offered her a friendly smile.

"But who of us here isn't? Troublesome, I mean. Or I hero, I guess. depending how you look at it. " Varric added dryly.

Merrill blushed furiously. She didn’t even know what had her blushing harder, that the Inquisitor called her a hero, or that he called her troublesome.

"Aneth'ara, Hahren" Merrill spoke quickly, putting her head down in something of an embarrassed half-bow.

"Andaran atish'an, da'len. Please, Inquisitor will do just fine.” Truthfully, The Herald had not really gotten used to the title of “Inquisitor” yet, it sat on him like clothes that were too big. But Josephine insisted that he introduce himself as such, and she was right. To be respected as Inquisitor, he had to start thinking of himself as such.

"Oh. yes. of course, Ha- ...Inquisitor." _Dammit Merrill you're embarrassing yourself._  She thought hastily, as she elected to just.. stop talking.

"Well... Okay." Varric said, trying to clear the now somewhat awkward air.

"I'm going to show Daisy here around Skyhold, I'll leave you two to talk about... well, you know. our old friend."

"Of course, thank you for the introduction, Varric." The inquisitor said. He looked to Merrill once more. "I'd be happy to get to know you more, Merrill if you'll speak with me later on? After you get your bearings here, of course"

"Yes!" Merrill said, perhaps too enthusiastically. "I mean, yes. I would- yes. Thank you, Ha-" _No. Not again._ "Inquisitor. Thank you, you're too kind….I'm thanking you too much aren't I?...I’m sorry, I’ll just shut up now.”

The Inquisitor chuckled kindly in response, before turning his attention back to Hawke.

Merrill and Varric turned to leave, as soon as they were out of earshot, Merrill asked "That was okay? I mean, I say anything too awkward?"

"You? Awkward? Never!" Varric returned sarcastically.

"Oh, thank goodness.." Merrill said, relieved. Sarcasm totally lost on her.

\-------------

One by one, Varric introduced her to the Inquisitor's inner circle. Starting with The Iron Bull.

"Remember the Arishok, Daisy?" Varric asked as they walked across the stronghold grounds.

"Ohh" Merrill shuddered slightly

"He was so... _big._ how could I forget?"

“Right. Keep that imagine in mind... and now forget it. Because The Iron Bull is _nothing_ like that.” Varric had only talked to Bull a couple of times but even so it was ridiculously apparent how different he was from other Qunari.

"He's tiny, you mean? I didn't think that was possible for a Qunari." Merrill replied in surprise, as she entertained the idea of a dwarf-sized Qunari. It brought her genuine pleasure.

" _What-_ I, no." Varric sighed " I meant his personality. He claims to follow the Qun but he's as free minded as they come."

They then approached The Bull, standing, distracted at something outside a building that was working on becoming a tavern.

"Bull, I'd like you to meet my friend, Merrill, she's with the inquisition now."

"Alright, nice. Good to meet you, Merrill. Bull is fine but I prefer _The Iron_ Bull. Makes it seem like I'm just some sort of mindless killing machine, and not a real person. Suits me." He held out a massive hand that sent a shiver down Merrill's spine

"He's not tiny at all, Varric!" Merrill hissed.

Varric objected, "I didn't say-"

"-You told her I was tiny? _You?"_ Bull interjected.

"Oh for-" Varric sighed again "Andraste's tits, nevermind."

"Well, I'm **not** tiny." Bull grumbled bitterly.

"I- yes. I can see that." Merrill said, looking up at him.

"So, you're a mage, huh? What's the baddest thing you ever threw a fireball at, shorty?"  Bull asked.

"Oh, humm.." Merrill considered. Well, she had fought considerable bad with Hawke,  but the _baddest?_ She didn't quite know.

"Maybe it was.. uhhm, First-Enchanter Orsino when he turned himself into this... huge.. abomination-thing.. oh. that was horrible. Or, right after that, when Knight-Commander Meredith used that idol to- and there were- the statues came to life and.. Oh, no. wait. The dragon. The high dragon at the bone pit. That. That was the baddest, I think."

"Oh yeah, shit." Varric added, recalling the memory to mind.

"Wait, wait. You fought... **_a high dragon????"_** Iron bull could not hide his enthusiasm, nor did he even make the attempt.

"I did, yes. We did, that is. Hawke and.. the rest of us." Merrill replied.

" _ **How was it????**_  Oh! if my men had been in the Free Marches then- we would have. Ah!" It seemed as though Bull might explode of excitement at the drop of a hat.

"It was- uhm. Hard. And Terrifying. Varric passed out. I had to take a moment to heal his wounds." Merrill said innocently. 

"I did not!" Varric protested.

"Haha! Brilliant! Did it spit fire? Ice? Did you see the look in it's eye when it finally went down?!" Bull was all but buzzing with elation.

"Fire. and uhm, no. No, I was a bit focused on, well, being alive." Merrill admitted. Thinking about it now, the memory seemed very fresh in her mind, it was mostly a huge relief, more than anything else to still have been in one piece after that battle.

"Being alive? **HELL YEAH.** Ohh I bet you felt _**so alive**_. That feeling. Oh what a rush it has to be. From conquering so much raw power. like you're _ **invincible."**_

"I hadn't thought about it that way before, actually" Merrill replied, giving that thought. "I suppose, yes, you're right. It does feel good to have won that battle in particular."

"You're **DAMN RIGHT** , shorty" Bull huffed energetically.

"Alright you two, you can talk more about the wonders of dragonslaying later, there are other members of the Inquisition to meet still, after all." Varric said finally.

"Sounds good. Hey, shorty, if you're ever interested in meeting my men, I'm sure they'd all love to hear more of that story- in great detail- over a drink sometime? On me." Bull offered.

"Oh, yes. I would like that. thank you, The Iron Bull." Merrill said, she was glad to have actually made a good first impression for once.

As they walked away, Merrill turned to Varric

"He's not like the Arishok at all." She said simply.

"That's what I was trying to- _Oh forget it!"_ Varric surrendered

Next up, Sera.

"This one is anybody's guess." Varric said warily.

"What does that mean?" Merrill asked.

"Well, Sera, she's fun and all but, well she may not take too kindly that you're.. well you."  Varric cautioned.

"What have I ever done to her?" Merrill asked, genuinely worried that she might have unknowingly wronged Sera in some way.

"Nothing, personally- yet. It's just. She's got this thing about Elves, or not so much Elves but....Elves. Ahh, I can't really explain it, you'll see. Probably." Varric replied.

Merrill had never truly experienced any kind of racism before- if that's indeed what varric had meant by Sera having a problem with elves. That is, even though she wasn't always treated perfectly well around humans, with Hawke usually around her it almost never happened, and even since Hawke’s departing, the humans usually didn't wander down in the alienage too often.

Upon meeting Sera, and before Varric even made introductions, Merrill blurted out, in surpise.

"Wait, but, _you're_ an elf."

"Yeah? and? what of it?" Sera questioned, taken off guard but trying not to let it show.

"No, I just, Varric said you had a problem with Elves and I just- well- but you are one." Merrill explained, wishing already that she had not started out like this.

"No, see? It ain’t so easy like that. What you're an elf and I just stick you with an arrow or somethin’? Right well Varric's got all these words for his fancy little stories but none of them are ever really real, yeah? Always some bits that are made up or else it isn’t a story it's just the truth, and you can't be arse up bothered by that can you, dwarf?" She glared angrily at Varric

"Ahh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend-" Varric started to apologize.

"Yeah well too late, innit? Already got my offence. lookit, this is my offended face." Sera twisted her expression into an angry- albeit silly looking- one.

"...Sorry."  Varric said anyway.

Sera turned her attention back to Merrill.

"It's not Elves, yeah? Just the...elf-y ones."

_"Elf-y?"_ Merrill asked, perplexed.

Sera sighed, "You _know,_ elf-y. Like that Solas. He’s got his head crammed up a thousand years. Always going on about 'our people-this' 'our people-that' I dunno who "our people" are but my people are here and real and now and we're all doing just fine. Get it?"

"Uhh, no. I…Don’t think so. I don’t get it, I think. " Merrill answered uneasily, truly not sure what to make of all that was just said at her.

"Look, it’s nothin’ too hard to wrap your head around. Just don't go all elf-y on me, and you and I? we'll get along right."  Sera said, matter-of-factly.

"I..okay." Merrill conceded, more confused leaving than going in.

Next in the proverbial line, Cole.

"No words for whoever you're introducing to me now, Varric?" Merrill wondered.

"Honestly? I don't know if I could describe Cole that easily. You'll just have to see him, trust me. He's alright though, I think you two may get along." _Hopefully._  Varric thought.

As they approached Cole, Varric called to him,

"Hey, kid, I want you to meet-"

"Soul grieving; ripping; _ripped._ Why didn't they listen? Why didn't they just trust you? You knew what you were doing, but he still ran, he ran from you and then- _Oh. No._ Why did he run? You weren't going to hurt him, you only wanted to help. But they didn't all run, did they? After she let it take her, after you had to do it- you didn't want to- but she made you. They all came and they were so...angry. And scared. Of you. You didn't have a choice, they attacked first. They still wouldn't listen. They died rather than listen. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have changed their minds. It wasn't. Your. Fault."

Merrill was rendered speechless. Immediately she felt a swell of emotions catch in her throat. Images, now just vivid flashes, piled in her mind. Of Pol, of her keeper, and the rest of her clan. She was devoted to saving them by restoring the eluvian, and it was what ultimately destroyed them. She missed them all terribly at their mention, and a thrum of pain at their loss ached profoundly at the marrow in her bones. That feeling, as quickly as it came, was just as quickly relieved; albeit only partially, like a cold salve over sunburnt skin. That was the effect of Cole’s words, it was what she needed to hear, even after all this time.

"I was kinda hoping he wouldn't do that right off the bat..."  Varric said awkwardly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Was that wrong? I was trying to help." Cole asked, apologetically.

"No..No.. I... Thank you. Cole, is it? I'm Merrill. How did you...?" Merrill assumed it some kind of magic, but she didn’t know of any that granted those specific abilities. She imagined it a useful tool, if not a terrible burden.

"I can see, _feel_ their pain. I thought I was a ghost once, but I was never real. A templar proved I wasn't real and then, I lost them; my friends. I've made mistakes but now I know, I'm better now and I can help. All of it. All of the hurts, little and big. I can feel them all. Your hurt is big...I hope I can help." Cole said.

"You... have already. Thank you, Cole. It was amazing to meet you." Merrill said, gratefully. She still didn’t understand the full nature of what Cole was (and undoubtedly very few people ever could) but she did gather that Cole was something different and not human, although he appeared so.

"You won't forget." Cole replied.

"Interesting, right?” Varric commented as they walked away. “ Let it never be said the Inquisition was full of boring people. I’ll take you to meet Solas next.”

"He's the one Sera said was...uhm.. what was it.. too elf-y? What does that mean exactly? I'm still not sure I get it." Merrill said, wrinkling her eyebrows, still trying to understand.

"Honestly? Me neither. That said, whatever it means, he is really elf-y." Varric remarked.

"Oh." Merrill said, all the more confused.

They approached a large staircase in the center of the stronghold that lead up to a great hall. Upon entering, and at the opposite end was a small red throne adorned with treacherous-looking spikes. They walked into a round room, empty save for a desk in the middle, a few painting structures, and a bit of some kind of mural started on one side of the wall. Standing in the corner - well it wasn't a corner since the room was round but if it did have corners that would be one of them- looking thoughtfully up at the mural, another elven mage. No vallaslin, so city? Part of a circle? She wondered about him.

"Varric, Hello. And who is your friend?" Solas looked over to the other elf.

"This is Merrill. She and I used to walk around Kirkwall with the Champion back in the day. Seen a lot of shit, all of us. And like me, I guess she just wasn't done seeing her fair share of it. So now she's here, helping the Inquisition." Varric gestured broadly to Merrill as if to present her.

"Ah, wonderful." Solas approached, holding out a hand to greet her.

"I am Solas. It is good to see another apostate walking freely around here. I can rest easy now, I suppose."

"Give it a rest, Chuckles.” Varric rolled his eyes. “ The Inquisitor made the mages equal allies of the Inquisition, didn't he? And Dorian’s here too, now. Not that he's exactly an apostate... You're in no more danger of being tied up and imprisoned than I am."

"That is perhaps a less reassuring sentiment." Solas smirked, to which Varric gave only short laugh in reply.

"It’s good to meet you, Solas." Merrill spoke politely.

Somewhere off in the distance, a commanding voice was heard.

_**"VARRIC!"** _

"Oh, shit."  Varric frowned. He knew exactly who that voice belonged to. Cassandra. And she must have just found out about Hawke.

"What have you done now?" Solas asked, masking his enjoyment of the new development.

"Ehh.. it's a long story. Got any hiding spaces here?" Varric brushed a hand through his hair, the Seeker was going to kill him.

"I'm afraid when we first arrived at Skyhold, I hadn't thought to look around for convenient hiding places for you." Solas answered with snark.

"Aren't you just a laugh? Argh, fine. I have to go... Maybe Cole can hide me." Varric said uneasily "I can introduce you to the rest later, Daisy….If I'm still alive later." With that, he left the room.

"Wow." Merrill commented, mostly to fill the silence Varric left her in.

"Heh. Quite a day you're having, I take it?" Solas smiled kindly.

"So much has happened already, and I've only just got here. Is it.. always like this?" Merrill felt so exhausted now since her walking into Skyhold, and truly it couldn’t have been more than a half hour that had passed.

"You mean is it always so hectic? Or Is someone always angrily shouting Varric's name? In either case, the answer is yes. But I imagine at least the former issue will take care of itself once everyone is a bit more settled here at Skyhold. It feels new to us all here, you are not alone."  There was something so serious about the way Solas talked, even when he was joking. It was almost comforting and yet at the same time, a little off putting.

"That's the most reassuring thing I've heard all day." Merrill exhaled tiredly.

"I imagine it is." Solas returned simply.

Merrill took a moment to really look around and take a breath for what seemed to her like the first one since arriving. Looking back at eye-level, she noticed an awkward empty feeling in the room, as if she was suddenly aware that she may be intruding. "Oh... I'm sorry, I hope I'm not bothering you, I.. well Varric was supposed to introduce me to the rest of the people here... Or, the inquisitor was supposed to find me.. or ...something. I'm sorry. I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit lost right now." She apologized awkwardly.

Solas shook his head. "You are not a bother at all. Quite the contrary, if we are to be working together it only makes sense we get to know each other a bit. Why not start now?"

Merrill smiled uneasily, she felt like Solas was only being nice to save face. "You said it was good to see another apostate but...the Inquisitor is a mage himself isn’t he?" Merrill

"A Dalish, like you.” Solas confirmed  “But he is guarded by the anchor; the mark on his hand that allows him the ability to seal rifts, especially now that he is named Inquisitor. No one would dare to call out his apostasy. Of course as Varric mentioned, there is also Master Pavus. While he is technically an apostate, as he has left his circle, his high status in the Imperium makes him all but immune to the templars."

"I haven’t met him, yet. I don’t know that I’ve really properly met anyone from Tevinter before...Is he…” Merrill trailed off, not knowing how to ask what she wanted to.

“Is he like the cruel magisters of Tevinter horror stories?” Solas finished for her “Not that I’ve seen. Although I believe he places too much faith in his homeland. He doesn’t see life there from the view of the lowest slave, and how could he? He was born to a higher class. But it clouds his ability to see a complete picture.”

Merrill considered that, and placed it aside for later “I suppose I can see for myself when I meet him. If you're an apostate, does that mean you left the circle? You aren't Dalish, so..."

"No. I am neither Dalish nor was I ever a part of a circle.I grew up in a village to the north, where I spent much of my time dreaming; exploring the fade." Solas explained.

This piqued Merrill’s interest "And the templars never found you? I mean.. obviously."

Solas chuckled "I'm a careful apostate. As are you, I see. You got all the way to Skyhold relatively unharmed."

"Yes, I suppose I did, didn’t I? The fade,” She turned the subject back to what had sounded most curious “You've explored much of it?"

"Indeed I have.” Solas replied, happy to discuss it. “I've journeyed deep into the fade in ancient ruins and battlefields to see the dreams of lost civilizations. I've watched as hosts of spirits clashed to reenact the bloody past in ancient wars both famous and forgotten. Every great war has its heroes, and it seems we have one of our very own at our doorstep."

"A hero? Or a war?" asked Merrill.

"Both." He answered without missing a beat.

"That’s...fascinating. You must have seen so many things. I can only imagine. All those spirits. It must have been beautiful, how could you have ever stopped dreaming?" Merrill buzzed with excitement. She had never met anyone with such a deep connection to the fade. It was novel.

"I might not have.” Solas said earnestly, it was similarly novel to him to speak with someone actually interested in hearing what he had to say about the fade. “But eventually I ran out of places in the fade to explore."

"How is that possible?" She asked incredulously.

He was pleased by her curiosity. "There are two reasons. First, the fade reflects the world around it, which I suspect you may already know. That means, unless I traveled, I would never find anything new. Second, the fade reflects, and is limited by our imagination, to find interesting areas, one must be interesting."

"I- I just, never heard of anyone going so far into the fade before. I've been there myself, of course, but.. never enough to run out of places to go. The keeper always warned me about the dangers of the fade "You must be careful, da’len. Everything there is a lie or a trick or a trap. You must believe nothing in the fade but yourself" it kept me from going too far." A mild tug of pain pulled at her at the mention of her keeper, but she brushed it aside.

"An unfortunately typical perspective from the Dalish. In truth, nothing about the nature of fade is so simply defined. It can be dangerous yes, but...the thrill of finding remnants of a thousand-year-old dream? I would not trade it for anything." Solas pouted, what a shame it was to hear what keepers told their mages about the fade. It was disheartening, albeit expected.

_"Unfortunately typical perspective from the Dalish?_ What do you mean by that?” Merrill asked, unsure if she ought to be offended.

“Are you sure you wish to know? You are Dalish are you not? I don’t have the most flattering opinion.” Solas cautioned.

“"I am Dalish, yes. Proudly so. The Dalish are the best hope for preserving the culture of our people. I've spent as long as I can remember studying the ancient ways. And I’m not a child, I can handle it, whatever you think.” Merrill attempted to ready herself for whatever it was Solas had to say. She hadn’t expected the conversation to take this turn.

“Since you asked then, the Dalish are like children. Blind and stumbling in the dark, reaching out to feel around for pieces of a forgotten whole, only to make wildly inaccurate conclusions about what they think they felt.” Solas asserted harshly, though it did not seem as such to him in the moment.

“Oh, but you know the truth, right?” Merrill challenged, raising her voice slightly. She was now sure she should be offended, and she was.

"While they pass on stories, mangling details, I walk the Fade. I have seen things they have not." He now raised his voice to match hers, and frustration permeated through the words both of them spoke.

"So much of what was is lost to us.... Our histories, our language..even our gods are gone... Excuse us if we may not get everything right, but at least we are trying! I have devoted my entire life to restoring our people's history. Everything I do, everything I’ve ever done has been for the good of my people. If you know something new, share it!" Merrill felt her face grow red and hot with anger. And to think, just a moment ago, things were going so well.

"Would your clan listen to what I had learned in my studies? My travels? Or would they mock the flat-ear and his stories, and go back to their ruins?" Solas’ words bite at her like an unforgiving chill.

"Does it matter my response?” Merrill snapped back “It sounds like you've already decided on that answer for yourself. Not that it would matter anyway,” Her voice softened as she dropped eye contact “… All of my clan is dead now."

“I-” He started a reply, but was cut off.

_“Solas.”_ The voice sounded from the rotunda door. Both Solas and Merrill, heavily engaged in their conversation, whipped around to see who the words belonged to.

“Oh. Inquisitor…” Solas failed to meet his eyes, slightly embarrassed at the possibility that the Inquisitor might have overheard their argument getting a bit too heated.

“She’s not been here even two hours and you’re already arguing with each other? That bodes well....” The Inquisitor crossed his arms, and adopted a disappointed stare.

“I apologize, Inquisitor. And to you, Merrill. It should not have gotten so out of hand. I will try not to let that happen again.” Solas stood with his hands cupped together behind his back, this was not him at his best.

“I’m...sorry too.” Merrill said, deflated. She really was making a horrible impression on the Inquisitor, she imagined.

“...Well, now that that’s out of the way. Merrill, Varric sent for me to show you to your quarters, and I believe we now finally have the time for a proper introduction.”

“Oh. Yes, good. Thank you, Inquisitor” She looked over to Solas and huffed disappointedly, both in herself and in the direction the conversation had gone. “I’ve nothing more to say now. We can talk about this later.”

“Of course.” He replied flatly.

As they left the rotunda, Merrill sighed in exasperation. “...How much of that did you hear?”

“Enough to tell you that I’ve been given the same speech.” The Inquisitor replied, trying to be reassuring.

“Really?” Merrill raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“Well, sort of. We’ve discussed it. Not at length, though. I respect him and he respects me. There is no need to ruin that with shouting our disagreements at each other. He is entitled to his opinion, as am I, as are you.” Lavellan, in truth, was not as bothered as Solas’ poor opinion of the Dalish as was Merrill. He loved his clan, and missed them dearly, but he was none too fond of the Dalish perspective on certain matters. He knew they could do better, and he knew it was not Solas’ fault that they didn’t. Still he didn’t particularly care for Solas’ direct distaste for his people. It was just something they’d have to agree to disagree on. Bygones being Bygones, and such. Lavellan was content to leave it at that.

“I.. don’t think I could ever be so unaffected as that, if someone insults my people..It’s just so personal...Not that I’m saying you’re uncaring...o-or anything..Oh, dear I’ve made a mess of this again. I always say the stupidest things…”

“Don’t worry about that.” The inquisitor laughed softly “As far as saying stupid things, I think you’re in like company for it.”

“Ohh I doubt that. You’re Inquisitor after all. I bet you always know the right times to say the right things, or else no one would take you seriously.” Merrill smiled in relief. It was nice to know that the Inquisitor was so kind. She would like it here, she thought.

“I suppose that’s true.” He considered  “Still, it feels like I’m just making it up as I go sometimes.”

“I’m not sure if that’s reassuring or scary.” Merrill chuckled apprehensively.

“Haha, I’m sure Josephine would rather I hadn’t told you that. Have you met her yet?” He inquired.

“I don’t believe so, no.” There were still so many people to meet, it would take hours more to greet them all, and she really just wanted to rest.

“You will, I’m sure. She’s our ambassador after all. I can only imagine she’ll come down to see you soon.

...It’s nice talking to another Dalish.” The Inquisitor smiled. He had not, since leaving his clan come across another one of the people. It was refreshing to talk to a kindred spirit.

“It is, yes. How do you get to leave your clan and become Inquisitor? That must be quite the story.” Merrill could only imagine. It seemed an impossible version of events and yet here it was, a reality.

“Honestly, I don’t really know.  My keeper sent me to the conclave to see how the human’s dealings would affect our people. The last thing I remember before the explosion is arriving there, and then...nothing. Until I was taken prisoner by Seeker Pentaghast.” It was truly amazing to consider how it all started, and then look at where they were now. From prisoner to Inquisitor. Varric would have a field day writing about it if he ever chose to.

“You...don’t know? So then.. Why does everyone call you the Herald of Andraste?” Merrill worried that she was asking too many questions, but the Inquisitor didn’t seem to mind it.

“Oh. I was in the fade. I know that. And some..things were chasing me. I remember a woman behind me. Some believe that was Andraste, and that she saved me.” The Inquisitor looked down and away, drifting into thought.

“Some..? What do you believe?” Merrill asked, pulling him back into the moment.

“I...don’t know honestly. I believe in the Creators, of course, but..I don’t see why the Maker can’t also be real. And if it was Andraste who saved me, well...I believe it’s possible. Although, I doubt if we’ll ever get answers, at least in this life..”  Most people were polarized on the matter. Either the Creators were real or the Maker was real. It was a rarity that someone allowed room enough for both. But most people now believed he was indeed the Herald. Especially after what had happened at Haven, he had more believers than ever, and those numbers were only growing.

Merrill nodded solemnly “We may see the truth of things when our souls rest with Falon’din.”

“What about you?” The Inquisitor asked ”How did you get you get to travel with the Champion of Kirkwall from your clan?”

“Oh, I- actually.. My clan roamed Ferelden for most of my life, until we traveled north to get away from the humans. Our Keeper took us to the Free Marches for a time, and that’s where I met Serah Hawke. I was first to the Keeper but I.. we… had disagreements. So Hawke took me away with him. It was better that way.. For everyone. I would have made a terrible Keeper.” Merrill swung her arms slightly as she walked, in an attempt to distract herself from being sad at the mention of her clan.

“I’m sure that’s not true.” He offered kindly.

“Oh, I’m sure it is.” Merrill insisted.

“Do you miss them, your clan?” Lavellan asked, his voice softening compassionately. He knew it a delicate subject.

“I do yes, terribly.” Her words nearly caught in her throat, but she manage to keep her composure.

“I’m...sorry, Merrill. I overheard what you had said to Solas about them being gone now. I can only imagine. The pain must be unbearable.” They approached a room which was to be Merrill’s quarters, and the Inquisitor halted in front of the door.

“It is very hard, yes. But.. I’ll endure. I have so far.”

“Best not to dwell on such grim matters though, this is your welcoming after all. It should be a happy occasion. This is where you’ll be staying,” He gestured to the door “It’s not much, but I hope you’ll find everything you need here. If you’re lacking anything, speak with the quartermaster, he’ll get you set in nicely.”

“Ma serannas, Inquisitor. You are too kind.” Merrill thanked, pushing away negative feelings.

“Don't mention it.” He assured. “Before I go, I was wondering if you might like to accompany Bull, Solas and me to the Hinterlands tomorrow? I’ve business there, and I’m sure we would be better off with a mage of your talents.”

“I would love to! Is it...quite dangerous there now? With the mage-templar war and all?” Not that it particularly bothered Merrill either way. She had seen her share of battles and was no stranger to fighting.

“It’s certainly not good...there is some danger, yes. But nothing I don’t think we can’t handle.  You’re up for it then?”  

“Absolutely. I haven’t really used my magic for fighting since I’ve been at the Kirkwall alienage. ...But I’m sure I’m not too rusty.” She wondered if she might see the Inquisitor close a rift right in front of her. That would be sight.

“I look forward to it, then. Alright, I’ll let you get settled in. We’ll talk later.” The Inquisitor excused himself with a nod, and wandered off.

\------------

It was later in the evening by the time Merrill got settled, and she was exhausted by the day’s events. Wearily, she lay herself down on her bed, and closed her eyes. She dreamed of what new adventures lie in wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It can be assumed that Vivienne and Blackwall have yet to be recruited. Rest assured, they will be. Events to come: Merrill and Solas revisit their conversation about the Dalish, The Inquisitor sees to Hawke's warden friend in Crestwood, and Solas has a request. I hope you all like it. The next chapter will certainly come faster if this gets love. Please tell your friends!

**Author's Note:**

> More chapters to come. Next one, she meets the inquisition, and finds her place in it. I'll definitely get it done faster if this gets some love. I hope you liked it.


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